If you belong to a particular religious or cultural community, there are probably guidelines for planning and holding a funeral. For thousands of years, funeral rites have been tied to religion, which may dictate everything from how many days should pass before you bury the deceased to how the body is disposed of. So, too, may religion guide who oversees the funeral rites, what readings and prayers are said, and even how the community will come together to support the family in the days and weeks that follow.(more…)
If you are holding a traditional funeral and traditional burial, then it is likely that you’ll need pallbearers. These individuals are responsible for lifting and carrying the casket from the funeral to the hearse or burial site. The term “pallbearer” (taken from the pall, or cloth that covers a coffin) is one that carries importance in both historical and modern times. A pallbearer is usually a family member or close friend, someone who is both strong and young, and—more traditionally—someone who is male.(more…)
Losing a Loved One: Should I Hold a Public Viewing?
When a loved one dies, there are many different considerations that go into funeral planning. Cremation or burial? Which cemetery to choose? What kind of casket? Who should oversee the funeral? When should we hold it?(more…)
Public speaking at a funeral is a common practice, especially if the service will be formal or held in a church. However, if you are not the kind of person who can write a eulogy, or you are not quite up to the task of opening your heart and sharing personal memories of the past, you may want to read a funeral poem instead. By relying on the words of some of the world’s great writers, you can tap into your feelings without being burdened by the idea of having to come up with your own.(more…)
Sending funeral flowers to a relative or friend after they experience a loss is a generous use of your time and money. You will help decorate the funeral, show your support, and brighten the day of those in attendance. You will provide a measure of comfort in keeping with the traditional funeral customs. (more…)
When is it Okay to Go Against the Wishes of the Deceased?
The funeral planning industry encourages individuals to take responsibility for their own death and funeral plans. From fully prearranged funerals with every detail laid out and paid for, to funeral checklists and apps that outline individual wishes, it is all about making your wishes known and easing the burden on your family after you are gone. (more…)
When planning a funeral for a United States veteran, you may be eligible to receive a U.S. flag to be draped over the casket or to accompany the urn. This service is provided free of charge and with a great respect for the service provided by the deceased.
Although burial flags are most often offered when an individual is having a traditional military funeral or burial, this doesn’t have to be the case. You may be able to receive a flag even if you don’t hold a service at all. (more…)
A funeral or memorial service is just the start of your bereavement process. Losing a loved one isn’t something you just “get over” or “recover from.” It’s a lifelong journey of finding ways to cope and enjoying the positive things that remain.
Funerals are a great way to kick start this grieving process, but they often leave a sense of emptiness behind. Once the funeral planning is done and the guests have departed, it’s time to begin finding your new path through life—often with only yourself to rely on.
For many, creating a memorial space at home is an ideal way to begin this journey of healing. In addition to allowing you a physical space to mourn (that’s not as far away as a cemetery), you may find comfort from having memories of the deceased so close by.
Dedicate a space for the memorial. A mantelpiece is the most common location, but any niche or corner (or even a shelf on the bookcase) will do. A coffee table, a desk, or even an entire room you don’t use may also apply.
Place an urn or photo in the space. If you had the deceased cremated, you can keep an urn of the ashes in the memorial space. If not, you can place a photograph or beloved item (shoes, a stuffed animal, a favorite hat, a trophy, an award medal, a wedding ring) in the center location. Anything that reminds you of the deceased and brings you joy will work.
Consider flowers, decorations, and other commemorative items. There’s no rule about how many things you need to put in a memorial space, so feel free to include anything you feel is relevant to your relationship with your loved one. Some people also like to put up seasonal items (in much the same way you might place seasonal decorations at a grave site).
Burn candles or make offerings. Depending on your spiritual beliefs, you may want to light special candles or burn incense. Aromatherapy candles can provide a double benefit if you choose soothing, healing scents that bring you personal comfort or remind you of the deceased. (Make sure you never leave anything on fire unattended.)
Keep it up as long as you need. The great thing about a memorial space in your home is that you can keep it up year-round, and with the exception of an occasional dusting, you don’t need to do anything to maintain it.
The need for having a safe, physical space to mourn is why we have cemeteries and memorials in the first place. So much about death is intangible, and making a physical connection with those we have lost is difficult. A personal shrine or memorial space not only gives you more flexibility in your grief, but it allows you to personalize the process so that you can always feel connected.
When people purchase cemetery plots, they usually do so in pairs. Because so many spouses wish to be buried together, it makes sense to buy adjoining plots. It doesn’t matter whether you’re buying burial plots in advance, or if one spouse recently passed on and it makes sense to buy both burial spaces now—this is the way the vast majority of Americans approach the burial process.
There is another option, however. Family cemetery plots provide a way for multiple members of a family to be buried in the same place—and usually for a discounted price overall. Because you’re investing in a larger piece of cemetery real estate, you may get a percentage reduction or be able to bury multiple relatives on top of one another. You can also get away with purchasing one large headstone with the family name engraved on it and rely on smaller plaques to identify each individual buried there. (more…)
Of all the funeral plans you make on behalf of the deceased, perhaps none is more lasting than the inscription on the headstone. The words you choose to mark the grave will be the first thing people see when they walk by the grave, and the final thing they take with them when they leave the cemetery. These words will also last much longer than your own memories, showcasing your love and affection for centuries to come. (more…)
